“I always find myself thinking about what I was doing a year ago, two years ago, five years ago today. I never remember exactly where till I find myself imagining where I would be today. I rarely listen to the radio because it’s sort of depressing. Not being able to record is stressful not because I’m a rapper but because that was my way of venting and expressing myself. So I write a lot! So much that now I have a callous on my finger from holding a pen. I guess I got used to texting my rhymes!
I get a lot of fan mail and everyone asks me how I’m doing? I say fine, the way I see it I never imagined making it this far with my sanity. Not being able to go somewhere when you want, see your family when you want (on many occasions when you need to), can’t use the phone, take a shower, wear clothes, or even eat when you want – super aggravating. Whenever, which is almost everyday I get visits, a lot of kids ask for autographs. It’s something that I used to do almost everyday but now it actually feels weird, I really feel like an inmate.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I really am an inmate. I mean, it kind of grows on you when certain people go out of there way to make you feel like that.
They have this program called YAP (Youth Assistance Program) they keep asking me to join. It’s a program that brings inner city kids to the prison to show them what it’s like to be incarcerated. I hear that every group asks about me but I’m a little hesitant to join. They think it will give the kids a reality check that this can happen to anyone.
I however feel that it’ll be more of the kids wanting to see Remy Ma the rapper and because of that they won’t get that I’m actually in jail. So I’m still contemplating. If I figure out a way for them to actually get it, that this is really not a place you would ever want to be whether for 8 years, 8 months, or 8 minutes then I’ll do it.
Everyone in prison isn’t innocent but everyone in prison isn’t guilty. So whether you end up here on purpose or by accident, the pain you’re feeling is still the same. And I can quote a lot “gangsters” by saying that “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…”
Forever Innocent,
Rem”
you know what, i was never a superfan of remy ma, but i always respected her self confidence and that realness about her.
however as a music lover, i respect this letter because it wasnt pretentious and i think she may have had an epiphany of sorts. i think in an era of reality tv and with celebrities opening up more of their lives to the world wide web, i think its only right that artists stop glamourizing certain aspects of street life because it gives then a stigma that could take a long time to get rid of and it makes them easy targets for setting social examples.
remy became that easy target. i listened to her first album. she opened up about a lot of ish on there that could have put her in jail….but she banked on it, tried to capitalize on it and look at where she is now.
i wonder why she’s even contemplating about joining that youth outreach initiative, she could turn a lot of promising lives around.
good luck remy and all the best to you, i hope you come out of there a better person.
~lissa
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WHAT TO DO NOW?